the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
