My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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