i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
