I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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