I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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