Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
