she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize