You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
