he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
