I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
did i just pee glitter
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
