And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
