There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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