Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
