Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just gargled with NyQuil
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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