she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
