Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
