We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I look better un-naked...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
