Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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