i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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