is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wish you could order shots online.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
