I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
