he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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