i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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