I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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