So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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