I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
