the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
