dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Boobs speak an international language.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
