I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
