oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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