please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
