Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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