I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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