I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
