I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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