The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
oh god was she eating orange peels again
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
