I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
