That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
