I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I faked an abortion last night.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize