But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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