Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
