i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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