Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
