How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
