She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
