Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
