3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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