note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
