Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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