I'm so fucking centered right now
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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