All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
