whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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