he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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