I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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