You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
