i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
