I just made out with a guy for $7.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
