Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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