We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize