That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
