You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think people are normalizing furries
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
