life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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