The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
