If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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