You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
